Ernest sat on his own on the boat. His parents were inside.
The Skipper‘s voice told everyone to keep sat down whilst they sailed through the bird colony. Thousands of puffins, kittiwakes, terns, razorbills and sharp billed guillemots swarmed like a cloud. Some began to zoom over the boat at incredible speed.
ˋDo not stand up! warned the skipper.
Ernest, lost in the spectacle, stood up. Seabirds whizzed past his head like meteors and he windmilled his arms in excitement.
ˋErnest!´
But the boy wasn’t listening. He never listened to his parents. Not since they let his pet miner bird loose. They said it stank the place out and no one could sleep with all the noise. Ernest had loved that bird and had adored feeding it more than anything in the world. Feeding it cut up worms and other grisly bits.
Ernest was stood up on the bow waving his arms amidst the throng of birds. He turned excitedly to wave at his parents.
The guillemot hit him smack in the back of the head at tremendous speed. At terrible terrible speed. It struck the boy with a blood curdling thud and crack. It must have been travelling well over sixty miles per hour.
Ernest bent over double shrieking and shrieking in a strange muffled way. He raised his head and arms as blood gushed in all directions.
What the passengers saw and, in particular his parents, made their blood run cold and they began to scream. The deckhand threw up over the side and the Skipper Maydayed the coast guard. A boy on board had sustained catastrophic injuries.
In hospital the surgeon shook his head. No matter where he cut the result was the same. The bird was wedged in Ernest‘s skull and had pierced his brain.
ˋThe seabird has pierced your son‘s brain I’m afraid. It is completely impossible to remove it without causing further life threatening damage to his vital senses. As dreadful as it sounds, Ernest was lucky the thing didn’t kill him.´
ˋThank you doctor. Can we see him now?´
When the bandages were unravelled from their son‘s head the Mother‘s knees buckled.
ˋWhat, What is that at the front of Ernests head?´
The nurse explained that the bird´s beak had exited at the front of Ernest’s skull and was lodged there.
When the beak then opened and closed and the nurse said it was still alive the boy´s mother fainted on the spot.
After getting Ernest back home the family readjusted to a new life with their son. Ernest could no longer talk properly as the bird’s head and beak protruded from his mouth. Yet somehow he was nicer. Sweeter. Less hurtful.
Mealtimes were a mess but his parents accepted it. He sat down at the table many times but he just couldn‘t push pie or chips or sausage under the guillemot’s head into his own mouth and he began to lose weight.
One day Ernest was up town with his Dad. They were staring at fresh fish at the market. Cod and hake and pollack all laid out on beds of ice.
ˋI right fancy some fish Ernest´ said Dad.
Before he could say another word the boy lowered his face and the bird swallowed a whole fresh cod. Schwupp! It was gone. Straight down it’s throat. After that it took another and another. Flupp! Down they went.
Ernest started putting on weight. It was clear that the more fish the bird ate the more weight the boy put on. They were connected somehow, both benefitting from the fish.
More and more. Ernests parents bought more and more whole cod and pollock and the boy thrived. He no longer spoke but the bird-head squawked in appreciation. They could see in Ernest’s eyes that he was grateful to them and they were moved to tears.
Our bird boy Ernest. Our bird brain boy they cooed to each other.
It was when Ernest ate all the koi in the city park lake, swimming and diving the whole time, that his parents knew he was becoming more like a bird than a boy. The bird in him was taking over.
One night a few months later Ernest was watching TV when he saw the very same boat and bird colony where he’d been injured. He stood up and flapped his arms furiously, the bird‘s head revolving in his mouth and the beak opening and shutting making a loud screeching noise. His parents shot in and Ernest tapped the telly screen like a boy possessed.
The tickets were booked and a few days later Ernest and his parents were back on the bird cruise. Although unspoken all three knew what would happen when they reached the rocks.
As the boat got closest to the seabird colony and the skipper was explaining to the passengers how no-one is allowed on the island, Ernest stood up. He stared at his parents and a large tear formed in his eye. His Dad wished Him well and his Mum said they would visit as often as they could. They hugged.
Staring at his parents Ernest let out a small tender squawk and then jumped off the boat onto the rocks. He shuffled between two other guillemots and waved at his parents before diving head first into the sea. The passengers were stunned into silence. The skipper began to mayday the coast guard but Ernest‘s Dad said it was ok. Their son was ok.
The local warden ringed him along with the other birds that summer and it was said that Ernest lived longer than any other guillemot. His parents visited every year from then on until they both passed away.
Ernest lived another fifty summers and his mate’s boy-chicks, although horrific at first, became the top attraction on the Rocks for years to come.
Ernest died in 1979. The most famous sea bird in the world.
